With in... 5 hours my plans to going to see Josh came to a screeching halt.
My mom hasn't been too forthcoming with supporting me with my relationship with Josh, and while she has given me support, she hasn't given me all of her concerns.
Well, I got them. In one tirade.
She gave me the verbal beating while I was posing naked for one of my art friends (nude study). In any case, her I am, sitting naked on my friends floor almost to tears when my mom tells me she doesn't want me to go.
"I'll pull out all the stops, the bills..."
"What? What bills, what does bills have to do with this? Josh is paying for this, Mom. You know that. You've know this entire process, I haven't left anything out."
"I don't want you to go, it's not practical. You're not an experienced flier... (she goes on to all the details of cons for this trip). We pay so much for you and your education."
"That's not fair. The phone bill, my education... what does this have to do with me going to Chicago? I may not support my education but I do support myself, I don't ask for much."
She was being very manipulative. It was a complete shock. My mom has never reacted like this before.
When I got off the phone with her, my friend, who had no choice but to listen to the converstaion, put his two cents in. He said for me to do it.
Here are the cons:
I am not an experienced flier.
I'd only be seeing Josh for maybe 3 hours.
By myself, and knowing me, I would be lost... I can plan this all out on paper, but getting there and doing it is another thing entirly. (that's just an excuse though, things could turn out differently)
Josh may not graduate on that day.
We don't have a lot of information about his leave, like would he be home for Thanksgiving.
In the whole skeem of things, these are valid, and not valid.
Pros:
Seeing Josh smile when he sees me.
Showing him my support.
Getting to see him a day before the family does.
Those are more valid that any of those cons... Plus, I already wrote to Josh saying I'd be there. I don't want to write him and go back on my word.
I want to see him. I want to show him that I care about what he's doing. If anything this has given me focus, and it's making things easier for me. I'm coping a lot better these past few days.
I'll have a good cry every now and then, but it'll pass. It's not gut wrenching.
The reason for my mom blowing up on me is she's tired of having me put Josh's family before mine. Right now, if I am going to be spending Thanksgiving with them, I have to double check everything with them. I don't want to slight anyone, I'm having to be extra plesent... I'm trying to make sure I don't make any mistakes.
I've put my family on the back burner, and I didn't realize it. It hurt my mom, and she feels like I don't care about them any more.
I know what my family is like, and I know Josh hasn't put any effort in trying to get to know my family... which I'm going to have to talk to him about now. She doesn't know Josh... and my brother put it as "She doesn't care about us anymore... ".
This has been the most stressfull days of my life, and right now my concern is Josh's family. My family gave me the OK to NOT be with them for Thanksgiving.
My mom is really spitefull towards his family... They're taking me away from her. I'm the first person of my siblings to "leave the nest". She's not prepared for it yet.
But for her to "pull all the stops out" to prevent me from going, that went too far. I was prepared to listen to her calmly, but when she tore into me... that made my decision even easier. Not to go inspite of her, but just to show her that all her words were just worries. There was nothing concrete about them.
The only thing I have to make sure is that Josh graduates on time. My tickets are nonrefundable. Which isn't good... but unless Josh fucks up majorly... then I'm not the one that's out of the money. He is.
I'm not paying for any of this. I told my mom, that if I was going to be paying for this, I wouldn't be going. I wouldn't be spending 300+ money to see him for 4 hours. No... I don't make enough money for that. I love him, I support him... but the only reason I'm going is because Josh is paying me to fly down.
Josh's family just doesn't know that he's paying for it...
At least I have this taken care of. I don't have to worry about anything else. I have the tickets, Josh's mom is getting the rental car and hotel figured out.
All Josh has to do is graduate.
chez