"What?" It came out squeekish due to being emotional.
"It just makes me happy knowing you love me that much."
I've been crying for probably a good 3 hours today.
I can't tell you how much it hurt to walk into my room, see his cover and his clothes. Thank god the bed is right next to the door. If it hadn't, I would have curled up on the floor. After curling up in a ball on the bed, I reached for his shirt on the floor and wrung it in my hands.
I've been a wreck today. I left Josh at work at two.
I skipped class to be with him, but I had to go back to the studio to get some work done for teaching experience on Tuesday.
As soon as I got to the studio my classmates came out of the classroom and asked me to go drinking with them. At two thirty in the afternoon. I accepted.
I only drank one drink, and had a ton of water to make up for the tears I've been leaking.
I've made myself pretty sick with all this emotional shit... I've been crying at a drop of a hat. No sobbing, just tearing up.
I knew this would be hard. I didn't know that this would feel like part of me is missing.
The real hurt came when I curled deeper in the covers and the thought of Josh sleeping in the bed came to mind. Then I realized I wouldn't be sleeping with him tonight, and that's when everything felt like it was coming apart.
All I wanted was to hear his voice. I jus wanted him to call.
He eventuatly did, I was half dazing when the phone went bezerk.
"I miss you."
"You saw me like six hours ago."
"I know... I still miss you."
I keep telling myself that I'll be ok. Just as soon as I get myself out of this day. Or the next.
Josh gave me some interesting news. Something was up with his paper work. He now might not be shipped out till Monday.
I'm not sure if him coming back for two days will help me. I would LOVE to have him, but I feel like I'm trying to get over a psuedo break up( it feels the same as a break up).
We shall see.
chez