Between my boyfriend worried about how my friends think of him, a terrifing nightmare, and finally getting my ass in gear for class.
To get things in order I'm just going to list it by days that I remember were interesting.
Friday. This was Nick's 21st bday (Kiran's boy). I haven't seen Kiran in a while and I wanted to go celebrate. I dragged Josh along with me after a hard days work. From the start I knew something was up, whenever I called Kiran, she instantly gave the phone to Nick. When we arrived I was greeted but Josh was brushed asside. And it went as so through out the night. No one came up to talk to us exept Kiran and Nick. I felt like I was in highschool, and petty shit was going down.
I knew Kiran didn't want Josh there, but I had asked her and she said yes. I don't want her to be all buddy buddy with him but it'd be nice if she could be cordial...
Anyways, the night wears on and Josh and I finally leave. In the car we talk about what transpired and I finally told him that Kiran didn't like him. We didn't argue but it hit a sore spot on the both of us.
Come Monday is class.
Class, it was soooo nice to go to class. I don't know anyone there, but I've actually met the teacher before at a conference which is cool. I knew I had reconized her, so she know's some of my teachers and friends.
I'm doing a mold of an egg. Easy peasy. It's and egg... it's a two peice mold, it's going to be rotten by the time I get to it on Monday, but it's all good. The mold will serve me well for the deviled egg plater I plan on making for my mom.
This was Monday, Tuesday the the night of my nightmare. Josh slept over and we finally fell to sleep and it was the first dream of the night.
I'm lying in bed (in the dream) and next to me there is this hovering man/creature. Instantly a story fills my head, I'm filled w/ fear and I'm screaming. Out of the dream I'm really screaming, I scare Josh awake.
I can't describe the scream... It was from the back of my throat and when I woke up my throat was raw.
I haven't slept at my place since. That night Josh and I couldn't sleep. It was around 3am when I scared the crap out of both of us... drove over to his place and fell back to sleep at 7am.
Thursday night rolls around. Josh has assembeled is new 64bit comptuter. This is a very unstable time of computer, it's loaded w/ different commonents. He had to build it himself inorder to keep costs down and to make sure he got the parts that he wanted.
Long story short, something was wrong with it, and he was very frustrated.
I woke up at 3am or so to ask him to come to bed, he did... but not for long. He got up and went back to it.
Now, in the span of the week Josh has been very good about spending time w/ his computer and me. I haven't had to talk to him about the "neglect" or anything... He's been very aware of "me" for a change.
That night all I wanted to do was sleep, so I got up and told him I was going to sleep on the couch. He snapped at me, threw himself on the bed and pleaded me to come back.
I wasn't mad at him, I was tired, I worked a full day and all I wanted was sleep... instead I curled back into bed and we talked.
It was here that he told me about his worries about my friends hating him and I guess worries about us staying together... while he didn't say it in those words, all he asked me was what I was looking for.
"If my friend hated you, I wouldn't be dating you... but my friends like you. I just don't understand why your friends don't."
Women and all agree that when it comes to girlfriends we are defensive. If a guy breaks one of your girlfriend's heart, wouldn't you hate the guy?
I know I would.
I tried to explain that girls react differently, we don't forget pain easily... expecially when it's done to someone we care about.
He also asked me if my family hated him. My mom doesn't know what to think of him, Drew hated him... and I have no clue what my dad and Chris thought of him. Do they like him... no... but they don't hate him, he's an unknown.
Right now, a lot of things are unknown and I tried to tell Josh that as well.
I don't know if this relationship will last. Our year anniversary is coming up in August. (Today Josh and I had to figure out the date... I think it's the 21)
I wish for this to last... but I'm still warry. I don't think I'm fully over the break up from Nov. Personally I don't want to be over it. It keeps me in a reality. I don't ever want to go into the fantasy world I had created of Josh.
Thing is I can't help but wonder if I'm creating my down fall either.
chez