Well, vacation... it's nice just sitting... playing the new mario cart and final fantasy X2, ouuu so much fun.
My lil bro can now beat my ass... Gr. Major pissed about that.
Nothing that extrodinary about my gifts... clothes, scanner(finally!), jewerly, jewerly box to but all the stuff into it... finding Nemo stuffty...
Good stuff basically.
Even started up swimming again... just for the break. Mom couldn't resist forcing me to go. She says she noticed a difference in me when i wasn't swimming, so she black mailed me into going.
Actually, all my mom has to say is i'm going, and well.. i'm going.
Habbits for the past 6 years and happen 9 times out of the week... normally aren't easy to break.
But it's just not the same. I don't have the drive anymore for it. No more heart.
My coach was talking to Caity the other day (she graduated w/ me, great butterflier, now injured)
"There should be some arrangement w/ her college... She can swim here and still go to classes there!"
It was hard enough to make my decision... and just going back is setting me up for another break down.
Mom told me, "It's like you had a divorce. But not from a person you loved."
And the way i see it... is i keep seeing my ex, then i'm never going to recover.
I don't think i ever truely will.
I was so proud of myself w/ swimming. It was the only thing i was proud of...
Art... yeah, i'm good at it. But like my teacher said, i don't have a peticular art that i love.
God, there's so many different kinds of art... Ceramics, Painting, Glass blowing, Design, Calligraphy, Printmaking... there's so many to choose!
But i found swimming before my art.
And i dove yesterday, and i really hurt my bacj. It's just a dull ache, it doesn't hurt that much but when i dove the pain when thru my whole spine.
I know i have no disks out of place, i had x-rays done, and Mom keeps telling me, take Alieve... i hate taking pills for pain.
If i'm going to deal w/ it, then i might as well let it heal on it's own... but it's be what 3 months now? I had physically theropy and that did nothing... I should have stayed on the team and just do the physical theropy, but now i'm off, i don't have that option.
I'm just a flitty person.
I can't keep to one thing. My writing is proof of that, i go on tangets all the time, things that have no relavence to what i was oringally writing about. I have paragraphs of maybe one sentence ever other line based on my train of thought.
And i'm forgetful... God, my Mom is worried about me and the car. "Oh you'll lose it!"
Just have some fucking faith in me.
It's bad enough that i can't remember little things. Like i'm really going to forget where i parked the car?
Yes, i forgot my contacts and the parking pass in my dorm. My roommate mailed me the pass.. and it's contacts! Big deal! I have glasses! Like i like poking myself in the eye every morning!
Yes i'm a complete and utter messy person like my father. I can't help it.
I have your way of dealing w/ stress, have dad's messy-ness... i'm single minded, i'm lazy, and i just don't care.
I'm passive. I let things slide.
Yep, total tangent...
Lets see, started out w/ x-mas pressents, then swimming, and then a pitty party.
Overall... I'm just a messed up person.
They should have a pill for ppl like me. I'm sure it's out on the market. Somewhere...
Chez