"Hi em can i call u some time? What time on mon or tue can i call? Miss u! ;-)"
What the fuck?
When i saw that it was from Brandon it shocked me.
Now i have all this apprehension... and it's just messing w/ my head.
I don't get it. It's been prolly 3 months since i last called him. Then he just never called back, obviously.
Ah! god, why? Yeah, it's not that big of a deal (LIE!), but... explain to me the reason now for wanting to call?
At least it gave me a forewarning. Instead of.. "Hi how are you, i know i've just forgotten about you... how's life?"
Uh huh. I could say the same for me, but hey, he left(Maryland) when there wasn't anything clinging to him. Aka Me. I don't even think it was a week after we had broken up when he decided to go back to the west.
Yes, Brandon is a great guy, has issues, we all do. But, i think his top mine. I think i'm a very understanding person. I let you do what the fuck you want, no strings attached. I didn't demand anything to substantial from him.
I just can't shake the feeling that he was tired of me.
We were only together for not even three months. In those three months i gave him too much of me, which i won't do again.
We were a great match in the begining... and i want to stay friends w/ him, but to be my friend, you need to put out just as much as i put in.
If you never talk to me, then why would i want to put you thru the pain of me trying to get in contact w/ you?
If your happy w/o me, that's good for you. But lead me on? No, don't do that. I'm like a dog and a leash. I will follow, until i finally get the hint. You have to kick me a couple of times for me to realize.
Granted, if he does call on Mon. i'll call him back later in the month.
I don't know what i'm expecting out of this call. I don't know why i'm so scared...
I like having my life semi devoid of him, but that's an ideal world. I'll never forget Brandon.
I'm one who is very self centered. I am conciderate to others as well, but when it comes to complicating my life, then forget it. I want nothing to do w/ it.
Even tho i wish he was still part of my life. In some shape or form...
Heh, wishes.
Dream on, kiddo, my conscience says.
Then, i shall dream. The clear distinction of reality is staring at me like a white washed wall.
chez
ps. what a great way to spend my favorite holiday.
Happy halloween. Beware the Bride from Kill Bill, The edge of her sword is mighter that her "bark".
Forewarning, to stay away from me when in costume ;p