Plain and simple. I hate not hearing ppl... at home... i was "alone" and yet not.
and i've written to many fucking entries about being fucking lonely.
Yeah... i got to see megan and all... but my happiness is still here... it's just *shrugs* it's weird not having Chris here... Last nights sleep was fucking awsome, tho!! OMG... such a good nights sleep.
I won't be lonely for too long... i'm going to a club tonight. Me? A club? Heh... suprizing... considering there's only one in upper DE!! But there are tons here!
So yeah, i'm going w/ two swimmers... i really need to make friends w/ them... all things aside... i'm definatly the loner of the team. I'm in the dorm by myself... meaning no other grl swimmers... only guys. So, there's a plus... but.. eh... they don't seem interested in me. They always fucking talk about grls!! Like if one walks by,"Oh! She's bangin'!"
OH fuck off.
And yet... i'll be right there, hearing all their shit. *rolls eyes* basturds. I've gotten a lot of compliments from the guys on my floor tho... two guys, maybe more can't believe that i've never hooked up w/ anyone.
The reason why is because no one shows any interest!! If they don't show it, then i don't show it either!! it's a mutal thing... at least for me.
I did have that one guy who was tippsy and i was, too, kiss me... but i don't count that... i didn't even fucking know him! and i give him a kiss? well... half kiss cuz i ment to give one on the cheek and he went for my lips... but i don't think he cared... *shrugs* it doesn't matter...
DJ... a baseball player comes drunk and high into my dorm last night, Erika, you'd like 'em, lol. Yeah, he comes in and he's all mellow and shit... he just bluntly says, i can't believe you haven't hooked up w/ anyone... you're an attractive grl, nice personality, and all. So, i explain what i have in previous entries... Guys in DE are ass holes. I don't think one guy liked me in DE. Why? dunno. Just way things were... but it seems similar here, too. So DJ goes on saying that guys are fucking idiots... which they are, sometimes. So yeah...
Erika do you think i should become gay, cuz i mean, WTF. I definatly know that you wouldn't abject to that!! hehehehehehehe I'm bad, aren't i? LoL!
So, yeah, sorry to burst your bubble erika... i don't think i'm going to become gay anytime soon...
Or am i just so fucking oblivious to shit that i don't see them looking at me. I can't read fucking thoughts, Guys!! Ya either tell me or you don't! I'm sure you could get a nice blush out of me! Geezz... Fucking idiots.
Pisses me off.
Well that got me off my loneliness issue... but now i'm on the other thing... so now, i'm pissed.
will i ever fucking win?
Nope, never.
Gr.
*sighs* i mean, i don't want a relationship, and you must be like, what is her fucking problem. Since i've never had one, i don't depend on those lovey-dovey feelings. But it would be nice if ppl noticed me!! I'm shy at times but once you talk to me, i'm open as shit, i may not trust you... but as long as you know that i'm there, it's all good.
I don't like to be the center of attention, but i Hate being ignored. That's prolly why i get soo pissed off at guys. I can't say i've really ever had a guy friend. I know guys, but i don't consider them my friend. It takes a lot to be my friend. So far, Laura, Bridget, and Lenoure are my friends. Yeah Lenoure is my friend now!! Fucking amazing isn't it? She has her moods... but she's gotten better now that i know her more. We like the same music and shit... and it's basically good between us.
*sighs* i need a shower... i look and feel like shit. =(
Not somethin' new is it, huh?
CheZ