You know when a wave is about to crash upon your head? It's just right at the curling foaming spiral, and the full force of the body is trying to tell you, "Get the fuck out of my way..."
Yeah, that's what's going on with me.
My classes decided to descritly tell me, "This is midterms, oh and we'll just carry it over and tell you finals are coming up, too. So, Your Fucked! HAHAHA!"
Insert me hands over head waiting for the wave to crash.
Oh, but this isn't the first wave. There have been some smaller waves...
To count the good things that's happened is I've gotten an award for cermics from the ceramics department for entering into the student show.
Josh is great, no complaints about him... I almost cried last night but due to my stupidity. He was teasing me, and he used a word that brought memories back to our break up. He meant it in no harm, but it didn't take him long to know something was up... All he did was nuzzle his head into my shoulder and say, "You know I was only teasing...". I didn't want to make a bid deal about it... but it reopened the wound and sliced deep. I told him why in one sentence, it clicked, he hugged me and then had me laughing in the next minute.
I'm not going to lie that it still doesn't hurt. I guess the one complaint I would have is that we've not talked about our break up.
But that's for an entirely different entry...
But yes, those are the two good things that's happened.
Class and family have probably got to be my down fall.
My family isn't in a good situation. We've never been money savy (my father mainly...) and it's finally caught up with us.
000,000,000
The figures above should explain it. I don't want to type the sum... I've said it and I've heard it and I've typed it before.... but it hasn't clicked yet. I know the sum, I know the weight... but to see it visually will probably make me cry.
Ever seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels? Where the kid loses the hand? Then the wobbley vision of it finally sinking in...
That's probably where I'd be at this moment if I wrote it down.
My father is a basturd. I don't even want to go home... I know it's not all his fault, but a good 60% is his.
My mom won't speak to my father.
I don't even want to know how Chris reacted. Chris... who is my father in so many ways learned at a young age due to my father's faults... how to pinch every fucking penny.
Me, I didn't get that memo. I do however, have only student loans as my debt... and have nothing else. I don't dabble with credit cards. I use my money, my debit card. That plastic card is everything. I don't bother with cash all to much, I find I spend paper quickly. I keep a certain about of cash hidden (not the smartest thing) and only carry 40 bucks around.
I also keep my bank account to about 200 dollars. If my pay check renews what I've spent and has spill over, that spill over will go into savings. And if I feel the need to use my credit card (I have to have on to build credit, bleh...) I only buy gas and purchases under $20 with it. I think I only use it once to twice a month depending... and I've had it since December.
Not that anyone should really know anything about how I spend my money or the numbers I make.... but this is how I work. This is how I manage it. I will splurge... like Portland... Oh, I shouldn't have spent as much as I should. I caculated that I spent about a thousand dollars going to this trip, but I earned $200 from the ceramics department, and I just won $100 from the award. So, it makes my trip down to $700.
For $700, that's not a bad trip to the West Coast now is it? I should probably tell my mom that, maybe that'll make her feel better.
And I did a fair amount of shopping that I will not tell my mother about. The sad this is I spent just as much money in stuff as my plain tickets cost. Now if I hadn't had a feild day buying spring clothes (no tax in Oregon! It felt like DE!) I could have prolly nocked my trip down to $500 with leigh way with trinkets.
Just to make sure my numbers were correct I did another calculation. Tried for more accurate numbers... and it pretty much comes to exactly a thousand I spent on the trip.
That atleast puts my mood in a better place.
Now to pick up Josh, dinner time.
chez