My friend Mallory wants me to go to this party, she's playing match maker for this kid, and she thinks i'm perfect for him.
Thing is... i'm with... i don't know what i am with Dave.
We're... something.
Not boyfriend girlfriend yet. But everytime i see him, there's something new about him.
The other morning he was whistling and annoying Marisa for it.
It was cute. He just does these cute little things... but we're not a couple yet.
I think that's why i'm considering this... I won't flirt. God, i felt awful going to the club and he wasn't there.
Thursday night was horrible anyway. I had an anxiety attach, it came out of no where.
Well, it was brought on by a dumb ass who spilled his whole cup of beer down my back. Then everything just got worse from there.
Back to my main point... Beth thought i shouldn't give up on Dave.
I'm not giving up on him! It's just, i don't know what it's like having people like me. More than one person liking me is... i don't think that's ever happened.
I just... i'm curious.
The kid is punk. Me and my punk stage and all... I'm just attracted to them anyways. I know i'm not that punkish any more but i still have my roots.
I don't know that many art majors anyway... i'd like to have more guy friends. Well, beside Josh... he's it. I don't have any more than him.
I don't get it. Me and guys... just don't get it.
Well, i know where it all stems from, but i've ranted enough, gotten help, and just want to move on from it.
Even with help, it still haunts me. That was what triggered the anxiety attach the other week.
Time for bed now. Maybe i shouldn't go to the party, i don't know i'll talk to Mallory about it.
I wouldn't mind making friends though.
I'm not that type of girl, i wouldn't fuck up something that could become something.
Dave gets jelous anyways. I know i don't have to watch myself, considering who the fuck would look to me?
Now i'm getting on another subject...
Yes, i'm pretty. Understood. It's one thing to be considered pretty, than to feel it.
I've never felt pretty.
And now i'm done.
chez