Wtf... *growls* Oh well, i can't complain cuz they're upgrading or something... so yeah. *zippers lips* no more out of me.
So i called my mommy today, just to see how things were going w/ her so on and so forth.
Then the venting comes, not from me, but from my mom. I didn't do anything wrong, my dad, yet again has.
First, he doesn't like the fact that i want the car down here for a week. For a fucking week! 7 Days! I prolly won't even drive it! Just to get down, pack stuff in and drive home. Tis It! *smolders* I'm 19. I've been driving since i was 16. I think i'd be ready, and i need the experience.
But then another issue came up... summer college.
I'm three credits behind, and my parents(mother) want me to pick them up Possibly this summer. I don't mind... i'd stay down here, practice w/ Pat... work and have 3 classes. NO Prob. But, my dad over exagerates things.
I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life... yadda yadda yadda
omg, i'm just so tired of him trying to live my life for me!
I've let my mom do that for me enough. I don't need her telling me what's right and wrong any more, my fucking concience will take care of that.
Picture this. I've never had a detention before. Never. Never been pulled over, never been to jail. Nothing. For god sakes, i'm scared to shit of breaking rules, because of the pressue that my parents have put on me. Being the Good Grl. And they better thank what ever god is out there, cuz I'm prolly one of a few grls you are still good *bridget included no matter how corrupted **sexually** she is, Oh no! Who said that! ^_^). But i can't break rules. I just can't.
My dad, when i was growing up, would say, "Don't bring home anyone i don't like, or i'll pull the shot gun out." And the fact that i'm afraid of my dad, even w/ him kidding, makes that statement true in my head. I don't want anyone meeting my dad. Mom, yes. Dad. No.
Gone on a tanget.
Basically, my dad has absolutly no faith in me!
No faith in my swimming
Doesn't care about my art
Didn't think i'd make it into college.
He thought, i would be working at JCPenny for the rest of my life, or waiting tables. Didn't even consider community college! This was the discusions w/ my mom, but w/ me... "Well... if you don't get in, you can always go to a community college."
He flips out when i get a C in a class!
A fucking C!
*bangs head*
True, doesn't look too good on my GPA. but it's fucking better than a D!
I need a new father...
I need someone to actually THINK that i'm not going to Fuck up my life!
I think the one of the reasons, that i don't Care what ppl think about me, is because, my parents will always love me, Because of who i am.
I have no idea what the fuck my dad thinks of me... i know my mom loves me. She misses me all the time. She told me she would cry coming back from dropping me off here.
But the fact, that he's never truely been there for me.
I made some swimming cut(when a time is set that you have to make to swim) when i was 15, so my Dad was at a buisness party, and my mom and i went there, cuz we're friends of the family.
So, i find my dad, tell him i made it... and he shakes my hand. NO big hug... not "OH that's awsome sweetie!!"... But "Great job" and shook my fucking hand.
I'm about to cry right now, cuz the fact that he did that hurts, still.
Ok... no more mushy shit out of me..
CheZ