My mom said it herself. I'm not happy here.
There's nothing for me here anymore. Not in DE.
What the fuck am i to do in DE? Call all my old friends back and say, "hi, yeah... it's me, the person you hung out with in middle school and highschool?"
No. They don't know me any more than my own mother knows me.
It's not about friends.
It's not about anything other than the fact i'm dealing with a life i want to live.
And my mother won't have it. She even brought up how she raised me today.
She raised me better.
I know she was thinking that.
But what the fuck am i supposed to do?
"Your life is as messy as your room is, Emilie. Do you want to be scattered brained for the rest of your life? That's not the way to live."
Well, i don't know how else to fucking live, Mother.
I'm restless.
Yes, i'm different w/o swimming. I'm different w/o school. I'm different because i'm dealing w/ a new job.
I'm different.
And my lil bro just found my birth control pills... of course i had 'em out. But yeah... Mom didn't want him to know about that...
"It's none of my buisness."
Andrew, that the one mature thing i've heard you say in a while. He's turning 14 tomorrow...
14.
I remember when i had to change his diapers. I had to put that in just to make me feel older.
He and I have a relationship where i am his sister, but i'm also his half mother. I'll reprimand him and sometimes he'll listen.
Lately i've been the sister and that's been annoying as fuck, being a punching bag... but oh well.
I'm just lonely. I don't have Brandon. He's... let's just say we don't know. I don't even want to go through that ordeal in this entry tonight.
My mom threatened the car today because i want to see him tomorrow, because i have having 4 days of work pulled from me for being late.
I know my mom is protective, but he's my problem. Let me deal w/ it.
But no. It's not that simple.
I should have never told my mother.
chez