That's all i do... work.
Whether it is school or a job. I always have to keep myself busy, but now i want a different routine.
Even though i got the day off because of rain, and i slept for 3 to 4 hours... my head is foggy and i feel a weight on my shoulders.
I haven't talked to Brandon is one of the issues on me.
I have to finish my art project tomorrow, and get that done. Then all i have to do is drive it down in two weeks. After that i'm done and i get a grade.
Yesterday Eren came down from New York, to come to my lil state of DE. That was funny, while getting down here she went past my street got off at some exist, and ended up in PA.
We talked, i jabbered her head off about Brandon. I just, can't get the fucker out of my head. Now it's getting ridiculous.
And! The basturd didn't return a blockbuster movie on time, so i had to pay for it, cuz i used my card.
"Em, when you two go to blockbuster, can you pay this late fee? I don't remember turning in a movie late, but just take care of it."
At the video store the clerk tells me it's from Maryland store. I looked at him confused and looked at Eren. She asked me if i rented any down there, and as far as i remembered no... there was no blockbuster in walking distance to the campus. Until it hit me that i paid one night for movies for Brandon and i to watch.
That set me off.
The basturd didn't even turned in a movie late. Granted it's a small thing, but considering the circumstances that we're in... it didn't help anything.
Eren couldn't stop laughing when we got out there because i was cursing under my breath all the way back to the car.
It was great to see Eren. No one has ever put me into consideration as far as Delaware goes. I hope i can survive a trip up to New York to be able to see her. Of course i'd have to go into the city... that would be a problem in itself for me.
I can do I95 or the NJ Turnpike... but cities i hate. Driving Baltimore isn't fun, and considering NY city, heh, yeah right.
So, here i am... not wanting to say much more, and yet i don't want to get off because of boredom's sake. Another reason is i'm tired of thinking about Brandon.
And then just mentioning that i just feel like i sank into my muddy emotions even deeper.
Eren pointed out something, "you two are both in very different part of your lives now."
She's right. He's 27 i'm 20. He's wanting to marry and start a family... where me, no. I'm just starting my career, school and art.
Brandon actually startled me when he mentioned that if he can't handle his dog then how the hell he was going to handle kids.
My remark, lifeguarding and working at a camp since i was 16 has been the greatest birth control a girl can have.
God, kids. Uh.
Yes, my field is education... but all i want to do is teach kids. Not think about having them.
I pictured myself a lone and single for the rest of my life before i got into this relationship. You could have asked me, can you see a family in the future 4 weeks ago and i would have said yes.
Now... no.
My relationship w/ Brandon has changed. He's changed. Therefor, i changed... thinking the worse.
At this point, i just don't care if we break up. It would be better. I have my own life to deal w/. I don't want something in my life that keeps disrupting it.
Heh, i think my mother is rubbing off on me. She just sees him as an obstacle in my life. One to just move on from.
I have an hour and half before i'm going to call him.
I should have called him last night with Eren's suport. Yesterday was our two month whatever.
I'm tired of having a down day.
chez