Whatever we talked about, now Poof.
That was what... two days ago? Two days i haven't talked to him. I like hearing his voice, i like knowing he's on the otherside. But if all we are going to talk about is your dumb dog and my cat... there has to be something wrong w/ us.
At least 3 times now all we've talked about is his dog.
I talked to him about going to a party w/ me in July to see Rikka and Eren, then mentioned me coming down next week because i have shit to do in Towson.
I don't even feel like he flinched.
There was no, "i'd like to see you" "that'd be great" "i miss you..."
Thank you, God, Eren is coming down tomorrow. I don't think i can last much longer being home. I have too much shit i'm getting from my mother, job, and now again not two day's later i'm back in the labrynth that is Brandon.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about him.
When i wake up.
When i try to fucking sleep.
I'm going to end up calling him in two days.
God. He maybe feeling the same way about this relationship as me... but damnit, get a fucking spine and talk to me. Not about some stupid dog.
I hate dogs.
While talking to my friend Marisa, both of us figured out, that we are only two weeks into summer.
From the time we left school, till now.
What the fuck.
Two fucking god damn weeks. And i'm dealing w/ this? This!
It astounds me. I can't believe that the last time i saw him was two weeks ago, and it's like having withdraw. And it fucking sucks.
I need to go into some kind of self rehab because i'm not going to deal with this for the next 9 weeks.
I'm beside myself right now. Never ever would i have thought myself to be this kind of nagging bitch wanting attention, but when i had it i was on a high. Now i don't have it and it's fucking w/ my head.
Brandon is a good guy by the way. Just not a smart one. Not when if it feels like he knows me inside out, and it just seems that he's oblivious to my words, my tone.
No, we didn't resolve anything. He was right about that, and it only took me two days to notice.
And for me to figure out two weeks ago was the last time i saw him, and i have no self control pisses me the fuck off.
God. I feel like a girl! Argh!!
Now i know why relationships are hard. Getting into one, pft, i know how impossible that is, i was there two months ago. And now, here i am, in a relationship that's close to being two months old and it's come to the point of me almost hating it because of what it's doing to me.
I've never been dependent on anyone. Only my family and even they are pissing me off.
I want nothing more than to go back home to Towson.
I've practially stretched my mother's and mine relationship because of the one i'm in w/ Brandon.
I can't lose my mother. My mother is all i really have when it comes right down to it.
I told Brandon, if my mother doesn't like you... you're gone. She liked him in the beginning, until i told her that i needed to be on the pill, my UTI, and his other job.
Next time we talk, we have to resolve this. I can't leave it hanging just for it to morph back into what it was.
I don't know how it's going to resolved but the bottom line is, both of us don't want to get hurt, and yet here i am getting hurt.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
chez
ps. Oddly enough, today (the 10th) we've been together two months today. I'm going to quiz him tomorrow, just out of spite.