"emilie sucks b/c she never hangs out any more"
"look at the loser who never visits her friends"
Truth be told, I just don't want to hang out with them any more. They were my friends, I treated them like friends, they didn't give me the same service.
I'm not going to make time for them when I don't want to. I have two classes w/ Beth, and I don't want to see her at those times anyways. I don't know what's up w/ Vicki. I just am tired of pleasing people. I wanna please myself, do what I want, and enjoy other's company.
They only enjoy themselves.
Finally I'm enjoying life. Though it's been a tough two and a half weeks, I've made it through, and now I have Josh (a major perk).
We had our 1st month aniversary yesterday. We didn't do anything (I was passed out on the bed while he played on the computer), but it's been a month. I'm still amazed and dazed through our whole relationship coming about. I would all but wish for it a couple of years ago.
I like how some dreams come true.
I had forgotten that I didn't do an entry for the death of Mr. Schukert. To sum things up, he's the reason my parents are togther, and responsible for my existance. Our families lived near eachother, many halloweens, christmas', sleep overs, swim meets, and explorations through the streams to find this blue rocks with his two dauthers.
It was a very emotional service. I cried when my dad and the rest of the pole bearers but him on the site of his grave.
Thinking about it, I can't believe it's been years since I was last in their house playing with Amanda and Little Ems. I was Big Ems at the time, and techniquely still am...
It was hard saying good bye. I don't want to go through that again... It wasn't so much his death that affects me. He died with out pain (he died of cancer), it was the fact that I kinda grew up this man and his family. It's the memories that I have of him and now he's gone. There's no way now to make new memories. He is in a better place now, I wouldn't have wanted to be in his position, and have cancer spread through my whole body... There is no reason to let a person go through that. I'm just glad it's all over, there will be no more pain for him.
I'm getting choked up again. I've never "mourned" for anyone before. I didn't even mourn for my mean grandfather. I didn't have any fond memories about him and he was family.
I take that back, I do have one fond memory of him. He used to do the thumb trick, where you take your hands and make the illusion of splitting your thumb in half at the knuckle. I loved it when he did that.
But I didn't cry at his funeral. I didn't have any true emotional attachment to him. I didn't grow up w/ my grandfather like I did w/ the Schukerts.
Well, I'm going to stop this train of thought. I need to get cleaning done anyways, or something done at least...
chez