What the fuck are we in this relationship.
I called him 4 times in two days, and last night he calls me 5 times in 3 minutes. I couldn't get a hold of him, so i get worried. I call him this morning, and he apologizes for his drunk ass.
He drunk called me.
The reason i was calling him, was to hang out. He calls me because he's drunk.
I don't get it. This whole day, night, whatever i'm thinking and it turns to this relationship and how it's... just...
I want to say mistake. But it's not a mistake, i wouldn't be fucking him if i felt like it was one big fucking mistake.
But that's what i am, a fuck buddy right now.
I'm not fuck buddy material.
He's getting a better deal out of this. Me... i still can't get any true pleasure out of it.
Great guy. He's fun to be with.
Our nights out are, going to a bar.
Last "date" we played darts. And oh my! He was such a gentleman paying for my drinks...
Pft.
This is finals week, and i have this lil splinter of emotions in my hand.
How do i make this go away?
There one simple way of handleing it, but i don't give up too easily.
I just want someone i know that will be truely and utterly devoted to me. Not in the obsessive category, but i don't know what it's like to know the guy is thinking about me all the time.
I don't know what it's like to be on the opposite side.
The best way to put it is I don't feel like i'm being appreciated.
Brandon and I had this converstaion once.
God, to be appreciated. To know that my time is being well spent. That everything we do is worthwhile.
I'm just walking in place with this boy. We make progress and then we recede to where we started.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
It sucks to admit it.
But considering how my life has been up til now. I say i need a lot of catching up in the relationship department.
chez