I had a test... but yeah ya know what, i was there for 30 mins and left...
Siiigh
Nothing much is new, other than the fact that i'm a lazy bum and should be shot at when seen.
The only thing i can be proud of getting done is my computer media homework done and studying for japanese.
That's it.
I studied last night for my bio test at 1 am.
I'm such a smart person to cram at that late, And! having to be up at the ass crack of dawn for morning practice.
I woke up at 7 today to get some studying done, but had a near heartattack when i thought i missed morning practice.
Man, i Hate having that feeling. Adreniline just rushing thru you... and your heart can't keep up w/ the sudden fear that has over come.
It's sad, yanno... when you feel like you gotta kill yourself before your coach does if you miss a practice.
I should feel that way for a meet! but no... i feel that way for a practice.
Josh has asked me... and others, what motivates me to keep on swimming if its such a burden. Or something along those lines...
I don't know why i keep swimming.
I just do.
It's instinct now. I hardly think about a day w/o practice.
Heh, sunday's are weird days for me because it's my day off...
But as far as the team goes... i could leave and not really care for those people. Jessica i do care about, she basically my sister figure. She took care of me last yr, and i really owe it to her for doing that. And she still does take care of me.
And i try so hard just to swim in her lane w/ her too. All last yr, that was my goal... to swim in her lane.
This yr i am... but i still can't keep up w/ her. She's a freestyler, i'm not. But even so, i still try hard.
It sucks just being a breast stroker in everyones eyes... and now this year... i'm back where i started.
I thought i was going to be able to swim... nope. The two new freshman are better than i thought... I knew it was going to happen, but i just hoped i could have some chance of actually doing something worth while in meets this yr.
All i've become is a practicer now... and it sucks. I do well in practice, and i suck at meets.
This year it might change, but so far... it doesn't look like it.
I prolly shouldn't bog down my mind w/ all these negative thoughts.
But they are always in the back of my mind.
CheZ