I had a test at 8.
Stumbled out of my bed, grabbed yesturday's clothes, and ran to the psych building... only 5 mins away.
Came in panting... Thank God they hadn't started!
They were doing relaxation exercises... to calm ones self before the test. I do the same thing before a meet... i didn't even have to think, i calmed, and got the test and started.
What a morning!
And i so wanna fall asleep... *yawns* but i took my bed apart, cuz it needs to be washed when i get home... I should do that right when i get back..
Because of the server being down i couldn't update last night... it was fairly tramatic.
I missed 30 mins of practice... ok yeah sure... be like, "Pfft! That's Nothing!" When you have a dictator of a coach... you're basically fucked.
Because i'm in the dorm building called Residence Tower, i'm kinda away from swimmers. There are only 3 here now. But they're guys... they could care less about me. I don't mind.. i don't really care about them.
So, yeah. 30 mins late. I knew something was wrong, right when i was walking there and in the locker room... Normally i see swimmers walking to the pool or in the locker room. No one was there.
so i rush to get my suit on...and walk out. The whole fucking team was in the pool.. the look of absolute terror crossed my face. I half run over to my coach, the terror definatly in my eyes... "Pat... I..." Pat:"Em, just get in."
I was in a fucking panick. In fact i had a mild panick attack in the pool. I was so scared, and i was in tears when we were swimming, but i tried to hide the fact when i was on the wall. i was fine half way thru practice, when Jess asked, "Are you ok?" I bit my lip and shook my head and tears started to come. Dear god, i can't hide my emotions. Then Kristin was like, "Em! Just suppress! You'll be ok!" That command kinda helped... but i was just so scared...
The reason for me being scared... is because of Pat's policy. "You can not Miss One Practice, or be late." Well... i was late. And everyone was like, "you didn't know! he told the team after you left for class at morn' practice the other day!"
but how did the other ppl know? when i didn't? and the fucked up thing is that i saw 3 swimmers yesturday thru the day!
Jess did try to call me but it seems our phone doesn't like call waiting or something, she did call me.
I was here... packing. *shrugs* I wasn't like i was asleep! And i saw Pat at 9:30 yesturday morn' anyway! And i told him in as a joke, "See Ya at Practice!"
So yeah, i'm still really upset about it. Other ppl were late. But the fact that i could be kicked off... i dunno... i just don't know.
after practice, i stayed an extra 30 mins to make up what i missed, and that made me feel a whole lot better, but i'm still pretty shaken from the whole ordeal.
I even saw Pat while i was leaving, he smiled and said good bye, i in turn gave him a sheepish looking one... but he didn't stop me, didn't yell at me. I'm sure he saw how i was reacting in the water. i couldn't breath. I could move... it was just a nightmare.
Just think of the most precious thing you own... and then all of a sudden it's taken away from you. That's how i felt... at the time of swimming.
I was so tempted to climb out, tell him that my actions were stupid, how ever i want to say that it wasn't my fault, but it was, and i was willing to take responsiblity for them, and be pulled off the roster. Then try out again next yr.
*shrugs* oh well... it's alright tho. I hope. But i know i need to cry now... but the tears are only welling up in my eyes, no waterfalls, and yesturday in the shower i just wanted to curl into a ball under the warm water and die. I couldn't even cry by the time i got to the shower, i was so spent.
What a great way to start my vaction, no?
CheZ