Time, your a bitch... thought you outta know.
Staring at glistening water almost to the point of blinding does nothing, sends no signle to an unresponsive brain. But it is responsive to hints, to clues of what once was.
It was two months, two months and it's amazing how much i can miss you, but you been gone for longer than we were together.
It doesn't help having a brainless occupation. That occupation being sitting on your ass staring at sun screened kids praying to whatever god there is that they would drown so it would like you were worth something.
I say i miss you, but then again i don't. I definatly didn't want to be near you when i said goodbye, and the hug, god... i hate to be touched now.
I've never liked hugs to begin with. Never liked touching, endearing words that could be whispered while being held.
It took me years even to hug my best friend. At least two years of knowing her. Yeah, i could beat the shit out of her... but that's a different story, Erika deserved every punch.
It's thoughts like these that i have everyday now. Something sparks me to think of you, and then tangent. Something else randomly pops in. And it all comes back to you in a vicious cirlce.
Everyday is a roundabout that i can't get out.
How does one get over someone if all they do is think about them?
I try to work, i've even got my japanese book out infront of me to distract me at work now. Studying to buy me more time of not wanting to think about you.
I am over you. I'm over you when i speak to you. But... then there's the part of me that clinged to you, became so dependent on your being.
I hate relying on people. For me to have to rely on a memory is even worse. What is there for me to rely on anyway? Towards the end of the relationship half the time it wasn't even you on the other line, it was just a voice. You pulling away from my dependancy.
Yes, we broke up mutually, and i'm sure it was for the better considering now you on the otherside of the continent.
But where the fuck does that leave me?
How do i know if i even cross your mind in a days time?
"Oh, i saw something that reminded me of you the other day."
I don't even have to be reminded of shit. I just look at the bottom the pool, and some how you emerge from it to remind me of what i had, and what i am now.
Everyday i get more frustrated with myself for not having the control to block you from my mind. You've become a virus, and god if i know i have the right program to delete you from my hard drive.
Someone who thought they were wise told me not to get into a relationship, one who clings onto others for support. A floater i should say.
Well, i'll give you credit, it's a bitch. I'll give you even more credit that you found a rebound guy before you even had to think about the one you left.
How long do you think it'll take me to get over this, oh wise one, you skipped out on the good shit, just to find someone better.
I think i've learned... wisdom doesn't help in relationships.
chez