The night Josh came back he kissed me awake, and whispered in my ear, "I love you."
In other news, my professors will be giving me one hundred dollars to go to the NCECA (it's a clay conference)!
I just got the news from my friend Kati. She, her boyfriend, Tom and myself will be heading to Portland, Oregon in March.
As you can see I'm not really all that talkative about Josh because I don't love him. I don't know if I will be able to love him, he had my heart months ago.
I care about him deeply, and it's gotten a little deeper since he was back... But I didn't think his sutle changes in behaviour would have lead to this.
"Give it time," he says... I've heard those words several times from him. Thing is... I'm tired of waiting. I've wanted someone to love me, I've needed someone to love me... I wanted that to have been him when I was in love with him.
Now I have it, and I'm not sure if it's what I'm looking for.
I'm so tired of waiting. I'm even waiting for this trip to Portland... that'll be the start of something and hopefully by then I can figure out what exactly what I want.
chez