So many memories.
I can't believe I have four years of my life written down.
I have to say, I've obviously grown... but if you were in my room right now you'd pretty much say that I'm the same person.
Room is absolutly TRASHED right now.
I'm in the process of moving, but that has absolutly nothting to do with it. It was a mess prior.
I'm still a horrible organizer.
Changes now I guess from when I was in highschool is now I know how to be more socially out there.
I'm not your chlorine inhaling swimmer, locked in a world where I didn't want anything to change. Swimming was everything and there was nothing that could have shaken me.
Boy was I wrong.
Now, I've applied that mentality to art but with more flexability. I want to change, I want to learn, I want to be able to know that my roots can be lifted.
Speaking of lifting roots, Josh asked me to get back together with him a week ago.
As a reminder, we only broke up only a month and a half ago.
We are "together". Just for terms sake it's easier to say I'm his girlfriend, but there's something missing.
I can't tell you the uproar among my friends that I caused when telling them.
Oh and a week prior to him wanting me back he asked if we could build the friendship. So, he invited me to his roommate's birthday party. The whole time he stayed near me. After the party, I got to drive his roommate's car while tipsy, only because I was the only other person there that knew how to drive stick. I was surprisingly fine, but I will not want to do that any time soon. I was only thankful that the house was 5 minutes away.
Once the pary had regrouped at the house, Josh asked me what I wanted to do. I said a movie would be fine to watch, knowing full well that this movie would not involve the group.
We watched the cartoon version of Lord of the Sith (pardon the wrong title if it is... I'm not a Star Wars fan, only reason I wanted to watch it was for the animation). I kept to myself, I wasn't too much of the mood of touching him at first. Until he asked if we could cuddle.
That boy can still make me melt... Needless to say we made up that night. Only thing is, just because we made up doesn't mean everything is truely resolved.
If anything, I am in a state of caution. It's weird, each day is a new feeling... Example, we spent New Years together, the whole time doubts were running through my head. I wasn't the happiest person that night, it was so hard to just enjoy when negative thoughts are envading. The next day I was fine, my fears hadn't left, but I was stable.
Do I know if this is going to work again, no... I'm really split.
We'll see how everything unfolds. There's still a lot of growing up I have to do.
chez