You have me... a mellow, soft spoken grl from DE... a grl who lived a sheltered life, and you put this grl in a bunch of drunks... hm.. what a scene!
Everyone seems to want to corrupt me, why is that? What's soo... Inspiring about corrupting ppl?
Oh! You might as well learn/see/do it now! Get it over w/!
*shrugs* i frankly don't give a shit what ppl have done, or what i'm going to do or see...
The only think that i've actually have been craving... which is totally new to me... is wanting someone to love me... and not a family member. I miss getting hugs... i miss cuddling w/ my kitty... i want to be cuddled at night now, when i'm upset about practice...
I miss having comfort.
I'm not comfortable here... i Love it here... but as far as what i've had in the past... i think one of the reasons i never had a boyfriend, was because... i got enough love from my family, and then i had the love for my sport. That filled me. I had no room.
and it's so confusing, not knowing whether or not you should like a guy... I can turn my crushes on and off in a second. It's pretty amazing how i can... It's amazing how i get the excuses to end it...
and i think that it's also similar to a shield... i build up my excuses so that i won't get the guts to see it further... and that if i find out that they don't like me.. then i can just say... well i don't like you, too.
And lately, i've been trying to do this... John expecially... i don't see why i'm attracted to him... yeah he's a nice guy and he's helped me out... but he's fucking 4 yrs older than me! and he certainly doesn't act his age...
*sighs* i'm just going to try to get it out of my head... best thing for me to do...
And he's always trying to corrupt me! Like the whole penius thing! he didn't stop buggin me about that for days! He still won't leave it be... he'll bring it up every now and then... Then! tonite he was like, "I'm not leaving this party until i see, you naked." or! "Come take a swimmer shower w/ me." The swimmer shower he means... like you know public showers... no one really cares when you're w/ ppl you know or of the same sex... totally nonsexual by his terms... but when you combine the sexes... plz! It may not be sexual by a certain extent... but come on... ya know it'll end up differently if you think about it...
Oh that's great, Em... nice way of getting him out of you head...
and i need sleep...
CheZ