i was able to tell him how i felt after he jumped down my throat the other day and critized me... and i don't think i gained much ground w/ him... *sighs* i don't think i'll ever have the upper hand w/ him. and now he's... Sure that there are going to be cuts...
I'm soo debating on just quiting... everyday now, i'm asking myself.. wtf am i doing? why am i puting myself thru this... he doesn't see me trying... he doesn't know how the fuck i Swim!
I'm not going to quit tho... this is the greatest thing that's happened to me... i've made guy friends b/c of the team!! hehe But that's i different note... Sure... it's Nothing like my Y team... but it's so nice being on it... i love it.
and there are so many ppl who are supportive of me! Sara Smith... was shocked that i actually piped up and said something... it took a lot of guts for me to do it... w/ my shakey voice that made me seem like i'm gonna cry at any momment ^^;;; So yeah... i suprized a lot of ppl today, and everyone that i swim w/ now Knows that i've gotten better!! i don't see why he fucking doesn't see that!
Pat has no right to underestimate me. He saw something in the begining... and it's here. Right infront of him... but every fucking meet... he doesn't motivate me. He fucking scares me. And i don't need to be scared, i need to be cocky before a meet... yeah, me, emilie... the grl who brings her own ego down needs to build it up before a swim...
anyway, he's just being a one sided ass... only believing in what he knows... yeah he's the coach... but ya know what, you can be wrong Pat!
Gr...
hopefully the meeting made everything better... i doubt it tho...