At least that's what it feels like to me.
I don't change here... i change there. Two homes, don't really fit in any. I belong, but i haven't found my own corner.
Hand friends here, now lost. Time can go to hell. But why bother? Why bother trying? Bitterness. I don't like to see friends slip away. But i'm tired of feeling like i'm the one pressing for it, pressing for the friendship to stay. And i'm tired of holding the line.
Delaware isn't the same. Only the roads do... even w/ being underconstruction. As always... at least i know ever turn, when to shift gears, when to accelerate. Where the one nasty pot hole is, or was.
I feel great driving. My car has become my sancutary. I see the inside of my vehicle more than i see of my rooms... My old room, mine but not. Still me, but me growing. Dorm... too invaded. Walls thin enough, not enough privacy.
I feel like my nerves are just shot. And i've spent 73 dollars on books. To escape, to make these fantacies come alive in my head so that i don't have to watch through my eyes what reality truely is.
My head hurts. I want to curl up w/ my kitty one more night.
I dread school. Love hate relationship, ya know?
I hate being high (not the drug induced kind), i hate being low. I'm tired of being in the middle... God, just rip my fucking heart out now and relieve me of this pain called emotion.
chez