well... i'm more p|-|uc|<3|) than i thought..
04.25.03 - 11:45 pm

I went to Felles Point today in Balti. Twas nice. Bridget and i spent two hrs walking around, spying a used cd store. They had their own punk section!! But since i didn't know half the stuff on there, i didn't wanna risk buying it... and never be able to return it. So yeah, the only thing i bought was a tee shirt.

I got the tee from The Green Turtle. My Fave Resturant! Oh god, i love this place.

It actually wasn't a resturant... but the bar. Which is ok, i got a good messure of the liquor and tap ;p

And when the waitress asked us our drinks... i actually paused, thinking , Ou... should i? Do i look 21?? Will i be carded??

Fucking concience. I asked for Diet Coke. *rolls eyes* I'm a wuss.

so yeah, my roomie and i bought tee's from there.

And mine's got two turtles... fucking. Quite comical.The male looking very very pleasured.

Of course, they only had larges... so siting here... in my pajamas... looking like this shirt is a Dress and nothing like a shirt. Even w/ my brawd shoulders, the seam comes to the middle of my bicept. And the fact that i'm "small" (nick name from a dear brother of mine *choking sounds*) doesn't help.

It's gotta get shrinked. Major.

Erika sorry, they didn't have lesbian turtles... otherwise i would have gotten you one ;p in light of the lesbian squirels, hehe.

So yeah, i'm walking around... after eating and i see this guy w/ a guitar and i feel absolutly terrible for this guy, can out, playing for money, i would have stopped but Bridget kept going so... i kept going.

After that, ice cream, Yum.

But then another homeless guy. But he stops me, saying he's houngry... Having yet again another Quilt trip, i give him a dollar and 50 cents. Not much but all i had was a dollar, 10 and a 20. NO fucking hell was i going to give him more.

But after hitting the 2nd man, i just got so mad at myself.

Why didn't i stop at the first guy, he was younger, Playing for money, doing Something! This other man, in his 50's, so... argh!

And then, i just felt this rush of shame, and cursed at myself the whole walk back.

I Hate the fact that i'm sympathetic. I Hate it.

It's a good trait. But i wish i could stop and help those ppl. I really wish i could. I breaks my heart..

But the personna i give, at least while walking out there (as i saw in my reflection of windows)... I'm a tom boy... dude, erika you'd be proud, i looked gay today.

Tan water proof vest that hid my figure, short hair was shaggy cuz of the drizzle, it was flattened, loose jeans, chain wallet, hands in pockets... looking like a young guy. Except for the fact that i had a pink camasole under neath my black rusty shirt. Ok, i like pink. Sue me.

I'm not questioning my sexuality... i'm doomed celabite for the rest of my life ;p

But, for one who looks to be different, has many contradicting personalities w/ in.

I love children. I will stop and just smile down at these lil kids walking by. Or watch kids playing as i walk to Burdick, cuz of the day care is along the way.

I'm shy. And yet i Try as i might not show it. Just trying to act Chill.

New word ;p actually i hate it when ppl tell me when i'm wound up or angry to chill... pet pieve.

Anyway... i try to act laid back instead of shy. But so far... eh, that's not working.

Why am i trying to change myself?

I dunno! I never gave a fuck! But now all of a sudden i do... and argh! It frustrates the Fuck out of me.

I'm such a fucking hypocrite!! Ahhhhhh!!!

........

so yeah, i'm sympathetic. i need to get rid of that trait.

My mother always told me i was too forgiving, too.

*crumples up**throw in trash*

If ONLY it were that simple!

I don't hate myself. I just get annoyed w/ myself. I have so many different traits... it's like. Why, why have all these things, only to have you get fucked over by 'em!

Ya know.. i think i'm blessed w/ the personality disorder, of having several personalities w/in one mind... don't know what it's called. But yeah. there ya have it.

And now i'm watching JackAss w/ a dead alligator walking around w/ it... now running after ppl w/ it.

I'm such a dork.

Pouring my sould out, and laughing at ppls misory. Ha!

Another contradiction!!

I'm just not even going to bother now...

Oh yeah, my friends are having Major problems.

I'm here, they are there..

Why do they haunt me so?!

No offense, Erika.

But, those two just bewilder me. completely!

They are called the midget twins. For they are twins. Short, and... well ditzy.. they are the apitamy of teeny bopperism... And twin 1 ditch twin 2. Utterly and completely.

Up and moved out of her dorm. Leaving twin 2 devistated, and unsure of what was going on.

they've had minor probs during the beginning of the yr... well... minor is my view of it. Prolly not theirs. If your bf's you look past faults and just move on.

Twin 1 just magnified twin 2's faults. And twin 2 isn't the... brightest star you will ever see... she's very pessimistic, gets stressed easily... and bouncey.. and dear god it's hard to discribe her. But twin 1... i don't know her, i've never known who she is... but apparently... she's ignored the group as a whole and neglected her abilities as a bf.

I was on twin 1's side... but after finding some key evidence, thank you erika... the bitch gave twin 2 a note, a note saying, you need theorpy... and get a life.

Well not that harsh... but yeah read frosted lemon's journal to get the scoup.

I thought twin 2 was getting what was coming to her. twin 1 has every right to branch out... to do what she wants... twin 2 is still clinging on to our old group.

And to me, twin 2 has changed the least out of my group.

But.. *sigh* so erika is in charge of Fixing the situation... oh yeah not to mention, holding twin 2's hair tonite while she pukes.

Have fun, my child, for i will not be there to back you up.

r2d2 is out ;p

CheZ

You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.

What inner color are you?