And everytime i think about this, i don't know whether to just stay calm and be rational... or just bawl.
It's soo hard to figure out... if i should quit or not.
Why quit when i've done this for so long?
Why quit when i know my body is going to ache for it?
Why quit when i don't even know the meaning of the word?
Reasons to quit.
Swimming won't get you further in life.
Swimming won't get you a job, when art (your major!) will.
Swimming won't give you a life outside of swimming.
Swimming... doesn't give you the friends you know for life (at least for me...)
I just don't know if i can take it.
The pressure that the sport is puting on me... or the pressure i put on myself.
To many complications... and my quad. I don't know what the fuck is up w/ them. Emily seems to be the only one helping me. I don't think the others really care.
It really shouldn't matter, but it's hard... trying to figure out everything in an already biased head, when you can voice and get another biased opinion!
I mean, common! what's any better than that!
I need to talk to someone who knows the sport... Em is good, but i need my coach. Heh, Not Pat. He maybe my coach, but i sure as hell don't think he is the right choice.
i think... i'm going to ask my mom tomorrow if she can pick me up. I just, i need to think this out w/ help.
And all the while, i was just sitting here crying. I litterally paced in my room for 20 mins, just figuring out if i should go out there... And then i stood in the hall way. When i was about to turn around Sara and Jen came out.
And i just bawled to all my roomies. Well, to Sara mainly.
I'm glad i'm here. Kinda... lol. My room mates are now drunk, and Sara just made me feel better and she was buzzed.
It's been a long night. To many tears, to many thoughts... things that just don't need to be dealt w/ until it's time.
And now isn't the time.
CheZ