I have a test tomorrow... art project due... and a paper... and i've only don't some studing and i finished the art project... i still have to rewrite my essay.... =(
Ah well... i haven't broken down yet. I know it's coming tho... it's bound to happen.
Just one of those things.
Swimming is getting harder and harder... and some how i'm managing. I'm sucking up and i haven't complained. I think i did 13,000 yards today, basically 520 laps. *sighs* morn' practice And afternoon... and he didn't let us out at 5:15 like we were suposed to... bastard.
I don't know what to expect out of swimming... the alumni meet... the one i wasn't suposed to swim, and yet i did... sucked. I did a 1:15 and i know i can do a 1:12 for 100 brst, but yeah... didn't work out. That's because my coach decided to nail us to the pool bottom that morn' for practice.
And it doesn't help when your shoulder hurts. It's a combination of swimming and carring my art supplies... it really puts a lot of stress on it... and no matter what i do... it won't get better. I know i should see the trainer... but if i go, they'll pull me out of the water. I can't miss the first fucking meet. I don't know if i'm going... he's only taking 18 ppl from the boys and grls team. And i don't know where i stand. He's given me instruction for my free to get my elbows up, but that's it. I don't know what he expects from me, and what he sees me doing in the future for swimming.
I don't like being clueless. I can stand being clueless about other things... it just pisses me off that i don't know what i can do.
*sighs* too much complicated shit.
And my dorm mates are another story, too. It's very hard to explain to ppl how much damage teasing can do. I definatly know it's tramatized me to an extent. And they don't understand why ppl would tease me. I don't know either. I'm used to being labled weird... but it's a totally different story here.
I don't know why...
Are ppl from DE so fucking judgmental...
i guess so.
I like college... i just don't like the homework. I like learning... it's fun, it really is... but the fucking homework will kill me in the end, and the ppl... i'm getting better in knowing ppl. Laura my art friend is finally one i consider a Friend Friend... not an aquantence(sp?). Ya know 'em but they don't know you, just as much as you don't know them... that type of thing. But Laura and i are now drawing together and it's soo much more fun now that i acutally have someone to hang out w/ other than swimmers.
Ha... the swim team... like i said before i'm clueless but my team mates also confuse me, too... Not much i can do.
I need sleep i'm waking up at 4 or 5 to finish my essay...
We ArE aLl MaD hErE...
Chez