"There's something different about you..." Josh told me.
"Well, i don't feel any different, i'm still me."
"No, it's not that... there's more confidence."
I haven't felt fear.
I'm not as scared anymore, and it took Josh to tell me that. And i sure as hell haven't missed it.
I'm a hell of a lot happier, that i've noticed... but that lack of fear, the fear i carried with me everywhere, everyday that would make me watch myself, every word that was said.
Now it's different.
Even Tylor agreed. That there's just somthing more there.
It's just puzzling. How it's turned about, and all because of me having someone to accept me, fully and care for me.
God, i couldn't stop thinking about Brandon today, at least during guarding, i sent him at least 5 text messages, "9 hours and counting till i see you." I wanted actually count down some of the hours of the day, but my job (jewelers) put him in the back of my mind for once and i was just running about.
Damn, bitch work...
I should be doing my art, or reading... but i just wanted to write, but now that i'm here what to write about?
I need to stop talking about Brandon. He isn't my life, but he's part of it... granted he's apparently changed me in many ways, and this all new to me, but how will i go about my days when i can't see him?
During the summer, i'm going to be an hr and a half away. And my mother already told me he can't sleep in my room. So, there goes privacy.
It's just cute, how Brandon is talking about pets already. He loves dogs, not fond of cats. I love cats, not fond of dogs.
"As long as i can have a dog, you can have your cat."
"I gotta like the dog tho."
"Why?"
"Because i'm not going to live w/ something i hate."
It's little things like that... we've only been together 3 weeks and just that Hint of the future. Scarey.
It is scarey and it isn't scarey. I have 3 more years of school. I have to finish college, that's my major concern right now, and it has been. But then Brandon comes along and disrupts my whole pattern.
I won't let him know but my homework is suffering. I wasn't doing too well w/ managing my time for school and work. Brandon is just that added bonus now. And damned if i know i wake up tomorrow to go to my first class.
Ah well, that's my luck. I've always wanted a boyfriend, now i have one. But i didn't think of the consequences for having one.
There just isn't enough time in the day.
i just wish i could live my life in mornings and nights. I would thrive in those conditions... forget the afternoon, the day is more beautiful and fresh after dawn, and gorgeous and sleepy at dusk.
I'd love to sleep the afternoon away instead of the mornings, but that isn't possible. Nope. The world doesn't want to revolve around me.
Pardon my tangent-ness tonight, i have randon thoughts, so random things are said.
And now i'm leaving. Bye =)
chez