It's just a thought, heh, a random one.
I wonder what i would look like w/ long hair...
I haven't had long hair since... Shit, when was the last time.. 6th grade i think.
Heh, it was a big deal for all my friends and their long hair to flip it. Like, the flirty flip of their hand thru their hair. Yeah, that gesture. They just like to do it and be dramatic... Me obviously would be left out of it.
"Em, stop trying... do a pose or something."
"You gotta be kiding... I can flip it! It's just... a bad one..."
And then i'd just bow my head in shame for failing to produce a good flip.
Man, we did the wierdest things in highschool...
Erika and my discussions in English class had to be the greatest. Yeah after lunch when ever she'd taken her prozac and just watching her fidget was amusing.
Oh! that and our comics from junior yr. Kill Korn and Britney!
Dude... is life really this short? I feel like, my life just went Wooossssssh... lol, i need a cool sound effect there... anyway, I'm going to be fucking 20 in Feb. 20!
I don't wanna be twenty...
I remember when i was lil, how i would dream about being old, about what i would experience.
I feel like i've cheated myself in a way.
I had a goal in middle school... I would have a boyfriend by my sophmore year.
Needless to say, that goal has been redrawn, scratched out and thrown out since then.
Yeah i regret not going out, experiencing life... but i don't mean that i feel cheated just because i don't have a boyfriend. That's just one aspect to the whole picture.
The whole time thru highschool, the only time i went somewhere to chill... was w/ Erika, twice.
Twice! And all we did was hang out in a parking lot infront of a YMCA.
We had fun, not too sure how we did tho...
I wish i didn't have to regret... it would make my life easier, and i prolly would end up a cheerier person in general.
Oh, fuck being cheery. Just not regreting, i look back on my life and i can't say i've done exciting things, i've never been mischievious, i've never done this or that...
I don't care so much as comparing myself to others that have experienced things and say, "Oh yeah that was awsome..." That's not why i regret...
I just regret not living. Not doin' things up to a certain potential.
But then, i've always been bad at showing ppl my potential... Fear. Fear, is my biggest factor.
I don't know what i'm scared of...
Maybe the fact that i'm going to regret my discision even more than me regretting not doing it.
Yeah, that's a great reason for living right there.
CheZ