*sighs* i just don't fucking care any more...
Every time i talk about him w/ Erika. she's like, Kick him in the Balls! and ya know what i should... but he doesn't know i like him... so yeah...
i'm not frustrate w/ him... i'm not at that pt yet... i'm just getting tired of getting my hopes up, and then him crushing it.
and yet again tonite! Todd was like, Dude... you can't make up your mind between the emily(ie)'s. WTF. Yeah sure that's a clear indecation that he likes me too... But! i could be taking it in the wrong sense...
heh... now i'm getting frustrated...
*sighs* i can never win...
Heh... Sara flipped out when she found out that Boob was in her bed beside me naked(w/ a blanket around him)... heh that was funny... but we were talking about all the drama on the team and he's like, yeah.. why don't we get naked and make it all go away... oO;; He's a fucking perve...
And right now... i don't even feel the "crush" on him any more... tis POOF.
WTF... i don't understand the situation... and i don't even understand myself at this pt.
Tis a war path inside my head!! a fucking bloody one and neither side is winning!
and erika, i Know you're tired of the situation...
but he's the only one that calls me, the only one that includes me in things... i didn't know there was a swimming party the other nite, and he called me to see if i wanted to go... and he's always there to talk to...
He's just everywhere! i can't fucking escape him! and half the time i don't want to escape cuz i'm bored of my mind!
half the time... i just sit and listen to everything that goes around me... only rarely do i actually get into a converstation, and he just drags me in. Taking me out of my observation...
i just can't sit and watch like i used to... and last night... at the party... after he left... that's all i did. no one included me... and it sucked.
I feel part of the team... but he was the one that brought me in further... first w/ the cake, and now coming up to my quad, and inviting me places.
I guess the whole basis of my crush is the fact, that he makes me feel wanted.
and now i guess i'm getting used to it... so the crush is fading, which is a good thing.
but i bet it'll come back... and then all i'll have to do is supress it and go back to my old ways...
CheZ