I don't have the guts to confront him over the phone, but i'm sure as fuck not going to drive down to MD to deal with this shit.
Another little tid bit... Eren called Brandon, and told him to call me. That's the only reason why he called me. Only reason.
That makes me sick, even now... just thinking about it.
Yeah, thanks for the good fuck.
Now i'm just getting angry, and that's not what i'm trying to get at. No, i want this resovled.
Granted he's only Just not calling me. We haven't faught about anything, everything was peachy before i left. But now, how the fuck can you forget about a person? Am i asking much? Just a call? It made me feel a hell of a lot better once he did call me today... only then later to figure out Eren told him to call me.
Friends, they're awesome. I'm having a better "relationship" with them than i have with my boyfriend.
Pft, boyfriend? Can i really call him my boyfriend? I had sex with him 3 weeks after getting to know him. Practically everytime i saw him we did something. Only twice we didn't. Why the hell can i remember that number!
Damnit, i'm getting off track! The reason i'm writing is so that i can write what i'm going to say to him on the phone tomorrow. God knows i'm going to lose every bone in my body when i call him.
Fuck confrontations!
Ok, this is what i had planed out in my head from talking to Eren.
Regular "how are you" yada yada yada... So, ya know what i figured out yesterday? Today we've been together 2 months. The only thing is these past 2 weeks i haven't felt like we have anything. I don't feel like you aren't a part of my life any more. You're just a voice, and a distant one at that. We call, say hi and that's it. Nothing more. Oh, but wait yesterday you got a puppy. My mom made the funny remark that it's to replace me, but i don't think there's anything to replace at this moment.
In my head, that's sounding a lot more acidic than i'd like it to be.
Thing is... i'm holding a lot of venom towards this whole situation.
14 days, and 4 of them i called. 0 for him.
I left you a message Sunday, you didn't call until today, Wednesday. To make matters a lil more heated, my friend had to tell you to call! That's four fucking days. Every fucking night i've thought about you.
And god lately all i've been thinking is, was our relationship based on sex?
Don't think for one minute i regret losing my virginity. That's one thing i won't forget. I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. I mean come on, losing your virginity while having Space Balls play in the background, fucking classic.
But is a good fuck an incentive to call?
Sorry, i'm not there to fuck you so i'm just going to have to miss out aren't i?
Argh! I know i'm kind of making this a bigger ordeal than it is, but what is one fucking call going to hurt? There wasn't a day i wouldn't speak to him! Text messaging or calling. He stopped responding to my texts, and he even started to ignore my messages.
Why?
A puppy sure as hell not going to sufice you for long, oh stripper dear.
Not to mention he's going back to his old job next weekend, and i had to Ask to know about it.
Josh put it in the greatest of terms. Fishing. I'm fishing for answers. I'm tired of fishing for fucking answers.
You know what he asked me today?
"So, read any good books lately?"
What the fuck kind of question is that for your girlfriend!
That should be grounds of imediate break up!
Read any good book my fucking ass.
I'm so heated now. Why should i be the only one pissed off in this fucking relationship?
Delaware isn't fun. I hate it here. I fucking hate it.
No friends, no life.
Granted, i'm not much a friend to them... but you know what, i've lived two years with out you... what's a life time?
I have so many thing barring down on me, my defenses are up, and i just want to be in a fucking happy place!
Brandon made me happy, attention makes me happy. You don't give me attention then i get sad. Then angry when given time to contemplate over excesivly.
But i know as soon as i hear his voice it'll all filter away or highten to a point when i don't want to hear him any more.
Tonight, at the end, i just wanted to end it... i just didn't want to know he was on the other line.
And if he doesn't want to know i excist, fine, whatever.
I'll go do what my mom has been telling me everyday this week.
"Go out and find a date."
It's great to hear that from your bestfriend.
I told Brandon in the beginning, if he didn't meet my mother's approval "we" wasn't going to happen.
I've crossed my mom, and his old job was the last straw.
I kept that from him.
Maybe tomorrow should be a good time to tell him, "yeah your aren't welcome in my mother's household, because of what you are."
Such a nice welcoming.
Like, he'd come to DE. Like, we'd go to NY to see galleries. All the why don't we do this over the summer has now been put to an end, because i know it's not going to happen.
And if it's not going to happen this summer, then what's stopping it from happening this fall. This week.
Maybe i should just stop it tomorrow because this is starting to hurt way to much and all i need is my cat.
You have your puppy.
I have my cat.
Enjoy.
chez