"What the fuck is making that noise?"
I let it ring for prolly two mins before i realized it was my cell going off telling me to get my lazy ass out off bed to study my hirigana.
Turned it off, and said "Fuck it." Pulled the covers back over my head and woke up to my watch alarm at 7:30.
And i definatly studied 10 mins right before the class.
I only missed one character. *shrugs*
So i was in class for at least 20 minutes and had time to chill... so i grab Paige, a freshman track star, and we walked the whole campus. Just talking.
I seem to be doing that w/ people as of late. Just talking to them, getting know them more on a personal level w/o just seeing them in class or anywhere else.
So, i was giving her advice about her schedule, her advisor called her the other day and yelled at her for something she had no control over. She's only taking 12 credits now, and prolly 12 again in spring... and i told her she needed to watch out because the cut for being a sophomore is 29 credits.. No one had told her this, as i suspected. So, i told her my situation and how i'm still an ungodly freshman considering by credits, but not by years...
And then we got to talking about friends and parties. I told her about my wild 3 nights. And on the way we saw one of the grls from the party Linda, so she got to experience that.
Linda was has been after this guy, Leaf... and they made out and he told her he just wanted to be friends. I felt bad for her, cuz i knew she liked him right off the first night they meet at Lisa's b-day party a day before Halloween.
At one point in the night when i just couldn't take the crowd, Linda, Jason, Leaf, Erin, and me head into Linda's appt just so we can get away. And i was sitting in a chair w/ my leg drapped over the side and Leaf just hits my feet. I look at him and say,
"I'd be carefull, i'm the kind that bites."
"Uh, i hope that's not litteraly..."
"Ha! Can't take a threat can you? But if you continue then there's some ass kicking waiting to happen."
So then he hits me again, i glare at him. I get in a converstation w/ Linda and he hits me again, so make a quick movement to get out my chair and he litterally jumped up and back further into the couch.
I couldn't stop laughing. I don't think i've scared a guy before.
Any way... it's great meeting new people. I feel like i'm a Millennium wanna-be, b/c i'm always there every other weekend.
I find some way to be hovering around a lesbian crowd and stuck into the underwear examinations... Oh, and not to mentions we got on the topic again later in that night... about "matching panties." Courtesy of Linda.
Yeah, so that's my life as of yet. Exciting, no?
I mean, yeah i'm getting out. I'm having fun... but at what cost? I couldn't even stomach too much alcohol the other night. I would look at it and be sickened.
I would just love to go out one night, and not have to be buzzed or drunk.
I feel like i've pushed aside the old me. But i can't be the old me here, no one know's me from the past. But then, i came here to get away from ppl in my past...
I just can't fucking win.
I want several things, and they end up to be either what i wanted to get away from, something i can't handle, or it's something that's completely new and absolutly fun...
But then there's the part of me who just misses being able to get away from ppl.
And everyone has told me,
"You have to experience college."
"What if i'm not comfortable w/ the whole college experience?"
"Then get comfortable."
*Siiigh*"And the only way to get comfortable is to experience, right?"
"Exactly."
God, that frustrates me so much. Because the only way to experience it is going w/ ppl who've done it before. So then i get dragged in at their level and i feel totally up rooted.
And then the whole guy issue is also bugging me. The market"."
I just don't get it. I still don't get it.
"So, Lisa how's the guy search?"
"I'm trying!"
"You are intent on getting me a guy aren't you?"
"Well... if you were interested in any of them..."
And i was talking to Kiran today, and she met this guy who's 23, in the work force... and he bought her two pounds of gadiva chocolate.
My mouth dropped.
The guys that she finds, give her things constantly. She's at the point where gifts really don't do anything for her.
Wow, uh, wish that would happen to me. But then again, i think it would really weird me out. When i went on my date back in August i felt so bad not paying for my ticket, but he wouldn't let me...
Ya know what, i don't think any guy has ever bought me anything... other than my brothers.
Never gotten a valentine... only from girls... Hm, wonder why everyone thinks i'm gay.
Kiran told me she didn't understand guys until she got to college. But i don't think i ever will. I don't talk to them.
"You know, you gotta flirt."
"Pft."
"No really."
"That's like trying to get a bird to meow."
I'm not a grl like Kiran. If anything i'm her total opposite.
"How long is your hair?"
"Uh, longer than the last time you saw me... I can but the back in a parcial pony tail... and then i can put the sides into pig tails... why?"
"Oh girl, we are going to make you up and get some mouse into that hair of yours.."
"Oh no..."
"What's your hair color?"
"Burgendy black..."
"We're going blond."
"WHAT!"
"Yeah, John Frieda has some great blond products...."
"Woah woah, one i just got my hair re-dyed. Two, i'm liking the dark. Three, all i've been is chlorine blond! No more!"
Whenever i'm w/ Kiran, it's a lesson on how to be "A Girl". I don't mind it... if anything i just laugh thru the whole process...
*says sheepishly*"But i own make up now..."
"Finally."
I personally don't think i dress tom boyish... if anything i dress better than some grls. Half the time i see ppl in sweats. That's all.
At least i get dressed...
Yeah i don't put make up on (i'm getting better)... and the grls that do wear sweats have massive layers of make up. I'm surpised that they can see through their mascara...
And me w/ make up... i have to be the one that does it. I don't feel comfortable if it doesn't look like you can see some of me underneath all the layers.
Siiigh. Ok, this is my idea. What i need to do is make a list. A list or discription of me. Put it on my back and be like, "Hey you don't know me, but if you want to just read. My whole life's story is right here!"
I feel like i don't want to make the effort of getting to know some people. I feel the more people i know, the more spreadly thin i am.
If that makes sense.
It's great that i know people. I just feel very thin at times, because half the time i only know the people from certain occasions. I'd like to know more people than just parties.
It's like, i'm extending my wings, and evey new person i've meet they pull a feather, for rememberance.
Dude, i feel fucking exposed.
It's like i run in and out of my shell constantly.
I can either go out fully covered and not give anything. Just my appearance. That's all that needs to be seen.
Then, maybe i'll take off the trench coat... gloves... little more exposure here and there.
But the thing that gets me the most is that i'm very open to people (i know total hypocrite compared to the sentence above). I'll talk to you and tell you everything. It's just as far as me exposing anything more than the surface then you gotta earn my trust and understanding.
I wish i understood myself. But i think if i didn't then everything wouldn't be hard for me... like it would be a "been there done that" kind of thing...
I should learn from Incubus- Nice to Know You.
Chez