aLiCeGoNeMaD84: penis
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: what's up?
Bot age 9er: i have a favor to ask of you
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: what kind of favor?
Bot age 9er: do you still have your viginity
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yes i do
Bot age 9er: can i have it
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: I'll wrap it in a pretty box for you. Why do you want my virginity?
Bot age 9er: well i never got any birthday prezents
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i think my virginity is a lil over the top from a birthday present... isn't a b-day present like worth around 20 bucks? i think my gifted wrapped viginity is something i'd consider priceless.
Bot age 9er: what about like a combinatino prezent like bday chanuka and xmass
Bot age 9er: im both
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: oh yeah that's right, your b-day is the 25th
Bot age 9er: was the 27th of october
Bot age 9er: so whats going on tonight
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: well happy belated birthday... but i think my viginity is a present that won't be opened until i'm ready
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: my roomies i think are just jumping around and being crazy
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: other than that absolutly nothing
Bot age 9er: oh
Bot age 9er: well i could come over and lay on the floor again and you could all shave my thing (the whole shaving thing is at the bottom of the entry. It's a long entry of me being a fucking idiot, bladdy blah blah... so just scroll down to the end.)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: Uh... no, i think i'll pass.
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i was tramatized from that one time, i don't think i can handle another one.
Bot age 9er: why you didnt like it or were you just not ready for such a shock
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: not ready
What the fuck. I never talk to Boob online, and all of a sudden... He ims me this shit?
So, not the right timeing Dick Wad.
My god. I was having a really good convo w/ Rob and Boob do this.
Wants my fucking virginity... Man whore.
Here's my convo w/ Rob, this goes better than Boob's, siiigh... to think i crushed on this demented fucker.
KanadaRob: by the way, i agree with josh :-)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: why?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: please explain, i'm clueless right now...
KanadaRob: well, i'm not even at towson university right? but i've seen you before and i think you could be interacting a lot more with guys but you're not because you're not "putting yourself on the market" (if those are the terms you want to use, lol)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: so i'm a piece of meat now?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: that's what the term means to me
KanadaRob: no, not at all
KanadaRob: like, i guess what i'm trying to say is, when i'm at my school and i'm looking around for girls to date or just to be friends with, sometimes i'll look at a girl or know a girl and get this vibe from them that they don't want to be approached by a guy or have anything to do with a guy
KanadaRob: now i don't know if that's what they truly want, but that's how i'm feeling about them, so i avoid them
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: ok, i can understand that... but see i never get those kind of vibes from guys. I don't know if they're taken, availble... i have no fucking clue. And as for putting my self out there to get noticed, like what do i have to do? do i have to change apperance, personality? which btw i am really not willing to do.
KanadaRob: i don't think it really matters if you think they're taken or not... if you like the guy, you should talk to him, be friends.. you don't have to change appearance and personality and actually, that would be a bad thing, because you wouldn't be yourself
KanadaRob: it's difficult for me to say what you need to do exactly because i'm not at TU and i don't know what your situation is exactly but this is what i do know..
KanadaRob: i've talked to you online and you seem like a really fun person to be with and you're nice, not only that but you're pretty, and i'm not just saying that to make you feel good or whatever, i actually mean that, for those reasons, i think you could meet a lot of guys than you seem to do, and i think eventually you'd find a guy you really liked and could trust even, lol
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: thanks for the encouragement, but see the whole "eventually you'd find a guy you really liked and could trust even" has been said to me for 3 years now
KanadaRob: has there ever been a time that you saw a guy you wanted to be with during those three years?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: crushes, but i killed those because they would have never happened
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and only maybe 3 crushes max
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: but i never wanted to "be" w/ them per say
KanadaRob: hmm interesting
KanadaRob: you sound like one of those girls who needs a really safe, nice guy to come in like prince charming and sweep you off your feet lol
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: no. no sweeping.
KanadaRob: it's just a figure of speech haha
KanadaRob: do you know why you only had three crushes max during the past three years?
KanadaRob: actually answer this
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: because they were the only guys i could trust on a certain level... but i just knew them causally... they weren't true friends
KanadaRob: did you crush on these guys mostly from talking and being with them or did you mostly see these guys from a distance?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: kinda both... 2 was just distance. one i actually saw everyday because of swimming
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: he's in my entries from last yr
KanadaRob: the infamous KOH?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: uh... oh forgot about him (lol, i really have forgotten all about him. Saw koh, real name was Zack, during the summer briefly... and i hung out w/ his sister a whole lot too cuz she was my suporvisor. Just a whole weird thing.)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: lol
KanadaRob: hahaha
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: no Boob aka John
KanadaRob: oh him
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah him, i trusted him (w/ the shit he just imed me i'm suprised i kind of do.)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: because he actually cared for my well being (not anymore... considering he want's my virginity as a b-day present)
KanadaRob: really? he seemed kinda weird... at least from your entries
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: oh he was weird
KanadaRob: actually, that's really true
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: very
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: but i did trust him, and he was there for me when i had problems. and i was his friend
KanadaRob: it was good, eh?
KanadaRob: it's interesting because that's the kind of guy (notice i say "kind of guy", i don't think he would be perfect haha) you probably need most since you have trouble with the touching and all that
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: right
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i would never(never ever!!! Ugh, omg, i can't believe i had a crush on him.) have dated Boob.
KanadaRob: the reason i say he wouldn't be perfect was cause he seemed kind of very quick with the sex, and i know if i were a girl like you, that's something i definitely would not want
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: he needed a lot of sexual attention from his grlfriends... he would tell me the weirdest stories...
KanadaRob: lol like what?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: nope, not explaining
KanadaRob: haha, you can't just say that and then not explain!
KanadaRob: don't tantalize me
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: sorry that's something to save for a bar story
KanadaRob: fine, then we're going to a bar sometime :-)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: fine lol, you and i are kind both underage tho
KanadaRob: fake id
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: what? you have a fake?
KanadaRob: yes
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: damn you
~~~
KanadaRob: you know, about what we were talking about earlier... you should just talk to more guys, that's how you let people know that you're there
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah i know... but that's hard too... i'm busy as shit, i'm hardly in my dorm, i don't get a lot of social time for ppl
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and finding the guy is like finding a needle in a hay stack
KanadaRob: yeah, that's exactly what i thought was your problem with not being able to see guys and stuff... cause it seems like you're very busy and always at places
KanadaRob: haha!
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: you wanna know what, you and josh are the only guys i talk to online regularly
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: the rest are grls
KanadaRob: but i mean, you don't have to do really hard, extensive searching... like if you see a cute guy in one of your classes, talk to him.. even if you don't think anything more will come out of it, you should do it anyway
KanadaRob: ah, me and josh, eh?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yep
KanadaRob: i feel honored
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: don't u feel special?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: lol
KanadaRob: yep yep
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i think my prob is everyone thinks i'm gay...
KanadaRob: what? why does everyone think you're gay, em??
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i don't know!
KanadaRob: you see, that's probably a problem, that's probably why guys might not always come up to you
KanadaRob: is your hair still short?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i tried explaining this to erika and this was her response....stonedhenge42O: it's cause you're different and they don't know what else to call you
KanadaRob: hahaha, that's not true
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i'm growing my hair out...
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: it's not that short
KanadaRob: but is it short now?
KanadaRob: how long?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: kinda
KanadaRob: do you wear baggy clothes?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: uh... off my sholders by...3 inches
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: sometimes, when i wanna go comfy
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: did today
KanadaRob: haaa
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i'm sure i looked like a guy walking thru campus
KanadaRob: yeah
KanadaRob: that's probably why they think you're gay
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i'm wearing good clothes now tho!
KanadaRob: like what?
KanadaRob: haha
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: pink and tight jeans
KanadaRob: good em! good!
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: lol
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: my mom's been helping my wardobe
KanadaRob: but the whole, short hair, baggy guy clothes thing is usually done by lesbians
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i know! but it's sooo comfy!
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i love it, i can't let go of it....
KanadaRob: lol i wish i could see you
KanadaRob: you don't have to give it up, as long as you do it right
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and they are abercombie baggy pants tho!
KanadaRob: for one thing, you need to accentuate your other feminine features if you're gonna do it
KanadaRob: like long hair and stuff
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: they are boy cut kaki type things
KanadaRob: hahaha, i really wanna see you
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i can't go to PA dude
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: that's too out of my way
KanadaRob: you should let me help you with your wardrobe, i'd show you what to get lol
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i remember the drive to your house
KanadaRob: well maybe i can always come down to maryland or wherever it is that you are
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: oh no a guy helping me dress?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah i'm in MD
KanadaRob: hey, at least i wouldn't make any mistakes about what would look good on you
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: 10 mins from balti
KanadaRob: oh really? that's sweet
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah it is
KanadaRob: i have a car and everything, so i usually take road trips
KanadaRob: fun stuff
Omg, i so can see Rob going thru my clothes... Searching thru my underwear, trying to find sexy panties... And i own NONE. For one, the more gawdy it looks... do your really think it's that comfortable? And who the fuck is going to see sexy underwear? It's underwear! It belongs under clothes... yeah like i'm going to start stripping in class just so i can show off a jeweled thong... Pft.
I mean, thongs... who likes to have a constant wedgie up their ass crack? Ok, fine i'll admit, i'm wearing one. but it's comfy! you gotta find the right ones.
KanadaRob: question... do you dislike wearing tight clothes?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: depends on my mood
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: or whatever i have left that's clean
KanadaRob: lol
KanadaRob: i was just wondering cause some girls dress baggy and stuff cause they don't want to be noticed and they don't want attention from guys
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: like i dunno, when i put on clothes, i don't have Oh i'm going to impress them today
KanadaRob: heh i see
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i wear what i whatever i grab basically
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: guys have no influence on the way i dress
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and when i dress up, it's to make me feel good. not for attention
KanadaRob: i understand
KanadaRob: it's better if you stay that way
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: haven't deviated from that
KanadaRob: good :-)
KanadaRob: how old is your little brother?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: 13
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: why?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: is he harassing u? did he get ur sn?
KanadaRob: lol nono
KanadaRob: you mentioned him in your diary i remember
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: ooh
KanadaRob: i find it cute that he wants to give you random hugs and stuff
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: lol, yeah i just wanna attack him
KanadaRob: cause that's how guys show affection and stuff... through physical contact
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah, but then he'd squease too hard and punch me so i'd be stuned and it goes from there
KanadaRob: haha
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah, but see i always hear that grls are too cuddly
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i'm definatly not a cuddly person.
KanadaRob: well right... cause guys would never cuddle with someone unless it was their girlfriend or something... they just like punching and wrestling and that sort of thing lol
KanadaRob: you don't like cuddling?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: only w/ my cat
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and my stuffties...
KanadaRob: that's too bad
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and that's it
KanadaRob: cuddling is like one of my favorite things... probably cause i hardly get to do it ever, lol
KanadaRob: maybe if you find that right guy, you'll like it :-)
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: maybe, dunno... we'll see
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: see i punch and stuff that's what i do. i don't punch guys. i do it's to my grl friends mostly. I attack my one friend all the time, it's soo funny
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: at times i act more like a guy than grl i know that
KanadaRob: hehe, you have older brother(s) and stuff right?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yep
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: one older one younger
KanadaRob: that's probably how you learned lol
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yep
KanadaRob: i never see girls at my school punching each other though
KanadaRob: like, i'll be sitting in class and one will be like "come on, spoon with me jen" and i'll be like "uhhhh" and then they'll get down on the floor and spoon each other, no joke
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: woah...
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: uh...
KanadaRob: yeah exactly
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i just punch
KanadaRob: hahaha
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: or ram ppl into walls
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: that kind of thing
KanadaRob: lol!
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: but it's only to the ppl that know that i do it
KanadaRob: you sound like a good friend
KanadaRob: lol
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: you should see the bruises i'd give to erika ^___^
KanadaRob: ok i'm back
KanadaRob: lol, i'm sure erika gets beat up a lot by you...
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: oh yes.
KanadaRob: you can't give hugs, eh?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: not really
KanadaRob: lol you're very tough with the love, quote "I'll give you a huge when it's warrented"
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: only to ppl i know will take it for face value
KanadaRob: i mean "hug"
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: maybe
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: depends
KanadaRob: well i suppose it's perfectly fine, cause i mean, i don't give hugs, at all, but maybe that's cause i'm a guy
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: but see i'm not a guy. oh when i drunk i'll give hugs
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: it's weird.
KanadaRob: lol, only when you're drunk, huh?
KanadaRob: i've noticed girls get extremely touchy and sexual when they're drunk
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah... weird, last time i got drunk, i was leaving and the hostess named Jenna who i just met was like,"you are welcome any time, your a cool grl, come back" and hugged me
KanadaRob: lol did you like it?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: i didn't mind actually
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: it was a grl
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: so... guys weird me out more
KanadaRob: ahhh i see
KanadaRob: yeah well i'd expect that, especially since most guys just want to have sex with a girl
KanadaRob: it's probably kinda weird for you, right?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: oh i'm having a convo w/ boob right now
KanadaRob: where is he now?
**** i gave him the convo from above
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: he's a 2nd yr senior here at TU
KanadaRob: "second" year senior?
KanadaRob: lol, he sounds like a sex machine
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah...
KanadaRob: he actually did want to have sex with you, didn't he?
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: knowing him... yeah.
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: but never told me out right
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: he just wants my virginity
KanadaRob: heh
KanadaRob: oh haha
KanadaRob: it's funny how guys are always after that
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: Josh gave me the best explination, the fact that u guys don't have "virginity" like we do
KanadaRob: true, i have a few reasons for why guys want it all the time though
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: to be the first is one
KanadaRob: yeah, cause guys are always competing with each other and stuff and being the first is a big thing
KanadaRob: um the other one is
KanadaRob: heh, well you see.. guys get pleasure just from being touched and stuff there, so the tighter something is, the better it feels and all... and you can't really get tighter than a virgin... this is also the reason why some guys like having anal sex with girls
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: right i figured that
KanadaRob: but it's mostly just the power thing
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: and that's one of the main reasons i'm afriad of guys
KanadaRob: i understand... you need a guy you can really trust and who will listen to you seriously
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: "just the power thing" sorry, but it just disgusts me... no offense to you, but it does
KanadaRob: lol, i don't take any offense, cause i'm not like that
KanadaRob: i mean, i'm a guy and that reasoning disgusts me
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: it's just sickening how people can think
KanadaRob: yeah i know, it makes me sad sometimes
KanadaRob: or angry
KanadaRob: one of those two
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: yeah, that's how i feel every day cuz i have to deal w/ it everyday...
KanadaRob: it must be hard
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: sometimes, after awhile... you tend to get a tolerance to it. and it only bugs me when it's blatant.
KanadaRob: it's kind of weird though cause i can't think of any guy friends of mine who are really obsessed like that over the whole hunting virgins and stuff...
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: like Boob's lil convo w/ me just now
KanadaRob: yeah
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: he's a nice guy. but he's sick
KanadaRob: lol, i dunno, maybe something's wrong with me, but if i really liked a girl and was going out with her or whatever, i would be perfectly fine with not having sex
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: some ppl have just completely different opposites to them
KanadaRob: however, some guys are like the opposite
aLiCeGoNeMaD84: right like boob
KanadaRob: yeah, like they're not really interested in a relationship or anything... just sex
Siigh. So Josh was right about the "market" both Erika and Rob comfirmed that for me.
I was just oblivious to it. Like i'm oblivious to most things...
Things aren't simple anymore. They never will be.
I have to be so aware of things around me now that i can't go back into my oblivion. =(
I actually miss it. And most of the time i'd want out because i was lonely.
Me and my mood swings, i can't fucking decied.
I go in and out.
Rob i hate you. You and your questions about annal beads aren't funny... god damn mental pictures.... fucking visualist.... damnit!
Now you know why i don't watch porn! I still have the visual of my initiation into the quad last spring!
It was a clip of a guy w/ his hand up a grls ass and slapping her thigh.
Great memory. I wish i could burn it.
CheZ